


Lost Along the Way

by DormirTwinky



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Typical Obito came home story, angst at first but it gets better lol, except he almost didn't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18435173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DormirTwinky/pseuds/DormirTwinky
Summary: Obito almost did something terrible. He almost lost his way entirely. Almost.





	1. Chapter 1

  Obito Uchiha has lived a life of failures and struggles. He had no family to miss him or to go back to. He stumbled over his own feet constantly growing up with no one there to catch him. Each time he fell, Obito got right back up again with the same glowing positivity that got him through life. What a naïve fool he was.

    The boulder crushing his right side wasn’t enough to diminish the optimism that fueled him. The year trapped in a cave, regaining strength through painful and agonizing rehabilitation wasn’t enough either. He was determined to live and return home. He had to see his friends again. Perhaps it was the physical pain he persevered through that blocked out that ache he felt in his chest, just enough to keep his headstrong optimism.

   Then she died.

   Obito can still feel the blood soaking his hands, still warm from when there was once life. He can recall the fury, the violence, the tortuous agony in his heart. It ripped the offending ninja into pieces, but it wasn’t enough to quell his broken soul. The pain was too great. It was overwhelming.

Obito wanted it to stop.

 He wanted it all to go away.

   Disillusioned and embittered, Obito Uchiha was promised a way to erase everything. He was promised a way to change the world into a new one, one where this horrible suffering was no longer an option. One where he didn’t have to feel this god damn searing burn in his heart.

  Those promises were like velvet to his ears. He lapped them up and gulped them down in a desperate attempt to calm his anger, not realizing it was only a temporary fix. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

   In the time serving this new purpose, Obito had done horrible things. A mask covered his scarred face and manipulated everyone in his sights. He killed. He lied. He stole. He plotted. He was no longer the Obito Uchiha who once fell over his feet trying to survive.

 He conquered.

 However, something always drew him back home. _Home._ That word felt foreign to him now. He couldn’t seem to throw his past away no matter how hard he tried. Each pleasant memory was a foggy dream that came to him amid nightmares. The teen had to wonder how his friends were doing now. Longing pulled him through the borders of the village.

  His habits of appearing grew more frequent. Obito spotted Minato, his once beloved sensei, now proudly adorning the hokage garb. Kakashi was in the ANBU. Both had risen and thrived. Obito would scoff. Every day, however, he spied Kakashi in the cemetery. Every single day Kakashi visited both Rin and Obito in their graves. Dead flowers were exchanged for fresh ones and stories were retold by the shinobi. Obito has never heard Kakashi talk so much before.

  Each time he witnessed this, Obito’s heart ached a little more. He usually brushed it off, but one day…

 

 “I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” Kakashi had said, crouching over Rin’s headstone. “But Minato-sensei and Kushina are expecting a baby. I’m really happy for them.”

  He replaced the flowers just as he always did. “I’m going to go tell Obito,”

  Obito, who watched Kakashi run off to his own gravestone, stepped out of the shadows. He loomed over Rin’s grave, mask hiding every possible feature. For a moment, he felt another surge of anger. He had an urge to grab the flowers and throw them aside. His pain, and everyone’s pain, had to disappear.

 But Kakashi’s words were of something warm. Minato-sensei was going to be a father. New life was going to be born into the world. It made his heart ache again and this time he stopped to listen.

 “Rin…” he mumbled to himself. “I’ve done terrible things. It’s for an ultimate goal but…”

  The silence was deafening.

 “What would you think of me now?”

 Again, silence. Of course, he wouldn’t expect an answer. Yet something triggered in his head. Memories of Rin’s voice rang in his ears.

_I’m always watching you._

 For the first time in years, Obito felt doubt. Rin would hate who he has become. Was this really the best way to save the world? This wasn’t the first time he yearned for his own room, to sleep in his own bed, to wake up to the sun pouring through his window.

 Maybe his heart wasn’t as empty as he thought.

 The sound of voices caused Obito to sink back into the shadows. These emotions would have to be put on hold. He had a plan. He had to be patient. 9 months was nothing.

Tonight, was the night.

   The seal on the jinjuuriki’s body was at its weakest point and it was now that Obito had to strike. The destruction would be great, and many would cry out in the agony that would follow suit. It was all part of the ultimate goal.

 Today, the beast would be unleashed.

   Obito slipped with ease into the village. The shadows had become his greatest asset and they carried him all the way to the roof tops. He paused, looking out into the place he had once called home. If he pulled this off and they caught him, there was no going back. Until now, he had technically not done anything wrong by the village’s rules. He could stop everything right here.

  The shadows took him again and this time he was in front of the village, at the point of no return. One jutsu would be all he needed. Hands clasped together in a fury of signs…then froze.

  Through his mask, Obito stared into the abyss he was about to throw himself into. An ache returned to his chest, where his heart was meant to be. Was this what he wanted? Was this life really such hell that he would erase everyone else to escape it? He was being selfish. So so very stupid and selfish.

  His hands shook, still clasped together in the last sign of the jutsu. All he had to do was put his hand to the floor, yet something stopped him. It was as if someone else’s hands were holding him still. Someone was telling him not to do this. Someone was holding him away from the abyss.

  _I’m always watching you, Obito._

 Suddenly, he was surrounded. A flurry of shinobi circled around him, each holding out their weapons and defenses. Most of them were ANBU, masks hiding their faces just as his did. They kept enough distance just in case his jutsu was complete, but it was clear they had no qualm with killing him if they must.

  “You,” A familiar voice cut through the crowd of shinobi. Adorned in his Hokage robes, Minato stepped into the circle. “I don’t know who you are, but please stop. We have no qualms with any villages, and we don’t want to start any,”

   Obito couldn’t look up to meet his face. His voice alone was enough to weaken his knees. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t carry out the plan. He had come so close to sending the village, and the world, into disaster. This was his one chance to pull himself away from the edge.

  His hands dropped, and the shinobi swooped in with impressive speed. Obito was forced to his knees and his hands were tied behind his back. A kunai or two were held to his throat, a stern warning if he tried anything. He wouldn’t.

 “Now, who do you represent?” Minato asked firmly.

Obito said nothing.

  “Answer me. Who do you work for? Is it Kiri? Iwa? We have a treaty with Iwa…”

 Again, Obito said nothing. How could he? His insides felt like they were coming apart.

 Minato approached him. There was a voice that warned him to be careful, but he only smiled. Even in in the presence of potential war, Minato carried that warm smile. Obito felt his eyes get wet. A hand took hold of his mask and gently pulled it off.

 Stunned silence.

“O-Obito…?”

 Tears flowing endlessly down his face, Obito finally looked up to meet his sensei’s gaze. He could barely see through the blurry salt that flooded his eyes. He realized he was sobbing loudly. Snot was running down his nose and it was difficult to breathe.

 “Sensei—” He cried out. “I’m sorry…”

  All the anger and violent urges were turning to regret and guilt. The emotions were overwhelming and Obito thought he might drown. The pain was still there, and the agony would continue, but Obito didn’t want a new world now. He just wanted to go home.

\------------------------------------

 

 The few days following were a mess.

   They brought him in as a prisoner. It was clear Minato wasn’t very happy about it, but he was Hokage after all. Obito was a potential threat and therefore he had to sort everything out before there were any friendly hellos.

   He did, however, argue that there was no actual proof that Obito was going to do anything wrong. All he had done was stand there and when they arrived, he gave himself in almost immediately. It helped that his eyes were still red and puffy from crying. He looked like a pathetic teenager.

   Obito was sent to the hospital for testing. His hands were handcuffed to the bed as a safety precaution (one the council thought was still necessary) and the day was spent putting up with a lot of poking and prodding with medical instruments and needles. Obito didn’t resist once.

  Now that the flood of emotions had exploded, Obito was left feeling numb. He could hear the whispers and discussions about his cells, what his new body meant, the dangers that posed, the mystery of his entire being. He knew this was going to make his life difficult again. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

 He didn’t feel anything.

 Minato came to visit him every day and once came with Kushina and their new born son. He heard the warnings from nurses about bringing in a baby but Kushina, as headstrong as she was, insisted very loudly that it was fine. Seeing the baby alive and well stirred some happiness in his heart. It was weak but it was there.

He could’ve ruined everything. He could’ve made that baby’s life a living hell and Obito was so glad that he hadn’t.

 It was the day of his release that Kakashi finally came to see him.

  “Minato wanted me to walk you to his place.” He said, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room.

 Obito couldn’t help but notice that Kakashi was desperately avoiding eye contact.

  “Why? Can’t I just go home?”

  “I dunno. He wants you to stay with them for a while. To keep an eye on you, I guess.”

 The silence was awkward and neither boy could look at the other. Obito could only imagine what Kakashi felt. He had watched his teammate visit his grave every day and tell him all sorts of stories about his exploits. Now he’s found out that he was alive this entire time.

 “I’m glad you’re alive,” Kakashi cut the silence at last. “I’m sorry I…I couldn’t…”

 Obito knew what he was going to say and held up a hand to stop him.

 “I saw it.” He says bluntly, earning him a stunned look from Kakashi. “I saw the whole thing, Kakashi. Rin, the kiri nin, you. I know what happened.”

   If there was guilt on Kakashi’s face before, it had flourished into an agonizing despair. He started to rub his hand as if scraping off any remaining dirtiness that remained. Obito knew that habit too well. He had his own habit of scraping off the unseeable blood that caked his skin.

  “I’m sorry…” Kakashi’s voice was weak.

 “I don’t blame you.” Obito continued. “Rin always put everyone above herself. I could just sit here and say you let Rin die, but—”

  He noted the way Kakashi winced. Obito sighed and clutched his chest. It was aching again, and badly. If he could simply carve out his heart and go back to feeling numb it would’ve been ideal.

 “—But she would’ve been proud of you for how you moved on and kept going. I’m the one who took her decision and threw myself into some bad shit. She’d hate me right now.”

 “That’s not true--!” Kakashi interjected, then shrank back. He looked embarrassed. “I mean…you’re back now. No matter what you did, you came back.”

  Obito observed Kakashi with intense eyes. As much as his chest ached, he could see very clearly that Kakashi was in pain too. Even if he hadn’t loved Rin the way he did, Kakashi took her death very seriously and bore the responsibility with all his heart. Yes, Obito could bitterly hate him for breaking his promise to protect Rin, but Rin wouldn’t have wanted that, and Kakashi was punishing himself enough as it was.

  The nurse came in with some forms to fill out and Obito was finally free to go. He stood up, pulling on his clothes and signaled Kakashi to come back inside when he was done changing.

 “Ready to go?” Kakashi asked, back to his calm self.

 Obito shook his head. Kakashi looked confused, then shocked as Obito threw his arms around Kakashi and pulled him into a tight hug. Damn, contact felt nice. How many years had Obito gone without any sort of warm contact like this? It warmed his broken heart even more when Kakashi returned the embrace.

  “It’s not your fault,” Obito muttered, as much to himself as to Kakashi.

 “yeah…”

  “It’s not your fault,” He repeated.

 “…”

  “It’s…” Tears began to leak from his eyes. “…not your fault…”

   There was a wet sensation against his neck and Obito realized Kakashi was crying too. The embrace got tighter as they gathered each other in their arms. Obito sobbed as he kept repeating the same words over and over.

  Rin was dead. It wasn’t their fault.


	2. chapter2

  _“In this dream world, it can be anything you want. Even the dead can be brought back to life!”_

    Obito could feel the intense yearning for such a place to exist. A genjutsu that everyone would fall into and everyone would be happy. No more pain. No more death. Oh, how he longed for his grief to disappear. But it was just a dream. It wasn’t real. He entertained the idea for years, hoping he could escape hell.

   There was no going back now. Obito had taken a last second grip on reality and pulled himself out of the stupor. The dream had been a drug to him and now he was going through withdrawals.

 Slowly but surely, reality began to hit him. Each hit was another brick to the pile that weighed down his shoulders. Obito became sluggish, rarely getting out of bed. How could he when there was no point? Dreams aren’t real. This life was real, and he was going to have to accept that.

 Living with Minato had turned into a bad idea very quickly. Obito had fits of night terrors that woke him in screams and vomit. It would wake the baby and the whole house would be in an uproar at 3am. It was enough so that Obito felt guilty and suggested he live somewhere else.

 Minato, being the kind sensei he was, was hesitant. He could understand Obito’s struggles and didn’t want to kick him to the streets to fend for himself. His student needed help and he had to be there for him! On the other hand, he was a father now. Putting the baby in the same vicinity as a dangerous teen with PTSD and powerful jutsu was a terrible idea.

 So that’s how Obito came to live with Kakashi.

Kakashi’s house was very quiet. With his busy schedule in the ANBU he was gone often.

 When he was there, however, he kept a strict routine. Obito observed him each morning as he rose to his alarm in a cold sweat. He would go to the sink and spend an abnormally long time washing his hands before starting any other task. With Obito as a roommate, Kakashi would make breakfast for two, despite Obito insisting he didn’t need to eat. Then, he’d spend his time cleaning the dishes and anything else that was in disarray before heading out to begin his day.

 Obito wasn’t stupid. He could see the pain Kakashi was in. It confirmed what he witnessed in the hospital months ago when the two of them held each other and cried over their late friend. He wondered if Kakashi had ever allowed himself to cry about Rin, or even Obito died.

_“I will show you how to create this dream world. There will be no more pain. There will be no more suffering.”_

 Madara kept coming back to his thoughts. Doubts plagued Obito’s mind constantly. He hasn’t said anything yet; should he go back? No--- Rin wouldn’t want this. He had to stay, he had to move on. For Rin. Yet that constant ache in his chest just won’t quit.

  A flash of memory appeared before him and the phantom sticky feeling of blood dripped down his hands.

 He darted to the bathroom and vomited.

 “Woah—” Kakashi’s voice rang through the house.

  Obito couldn’t look up as he dry heaved into the toilet. How could he throw up when all he had had was water and a bit of toast?  A warm hand pressed against his back. Kakashi knelt beside him, still in his ANBU uniform.

 “You gonna be okay?” He asked softly. Way too soft to have come out of Kakashi’s mouth.

 Obito’s shoulders shook but he nodded. He had spent so long suppressing the emotions he felt and throwing away his past that he was now being bombarded with the emotions surfacing all at once. Or at least over the course of the past few months.

 Kakashi helped Obito to his feet and grabbed a wet wash cloth to pat down the sweat dripping down the Uchiha’s face. Another odd thing Obito had observed about Kakashi was that he wouldn’t leave his side during these episodes. He was almost _too_ doting and Obito chalked it up to fear that he’d be taken away again. Minato was like that too, but he expected it from his sensei.

 Obito slumped against the wall. His clothes were a week old on his body and he should probably shower. Still, Kakashi gave him a once over and flushed the toilet for him.

 “Sorry,” Obito croaked.

 “It’s fine. I’m going to go change.”

  There was silence as Kakashi walked away, leaving Obito to catch a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. Disgusting.

 “Oh, uh,” He stopped, looking back at Obito through the doorway. “I’m going to go see Rin today. Do you want to come?”

 Another part of the daily routine. Kakashi always went to go see Rin. He always offered to bring Obito along too. Obito usually couldn’t bring himself to leave the house but today was somehow different.

 “Yeah,” He stands up straight. “I wanna go.”

 Kakashi looked surprised but smiled.

 “Okay. Let me get changed,”

 

 They were silent on the walk over. It had been weeks since Obito had set foot out of Kakashi’s house. The village was bustling with pleasant chatter and familiar people. The warmth of the sun felt good against his pale skin. It may have been a difficult task to get out of bed but now that he was out it was well worth it. Obito should really get out more.

 They stopped along the way at a florist shop. Kakashi said he always got lilies for Rin. Obito, deciding he wouldn’t settle for Kakashi’s choice, got a single red rose.

  The grave site was quieter than the rest of the town. It was peaceful that way.

 “I’ll let you talk to her alone,” Kakashi said softly. “I’m going to go say hello to my father,”

 Obito nodded. Kakashi was always very observant. No doubt he knew how he felt about Rin the entire time. In hindsight, it wasn’t exactly a secret. Obito was certain his love was displayed all over his face each time he looked at her. Truthfully, even if there were no romantic feelings involved, Rin had always been there beside him. Obito remembered the way she cheered for him, the way she encouraged him to keep going, the way she cared for him when he was injured. Out of everyone, Rin Nohara was his dearest friend.

 “I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you.” Obito said. “I got lost along the way. Really lost, actually. I guess my coping skills suck as much as shinobi ones do. But I want you to know that I won’t let the darkness consume me anymore. You did what you thought was best for everyone.”

 Obito felt his eyes get wet. He sniffled softly and knelt to put the rose in the little vase beside the headstone. It looked lovely amongst the white lilies.

 “I love you. And I always will. But I have to let you go now…”

 He choked. Obito kept telling himself that he had to let go of her, that it’s what she would’ve wanted. Each painful memory was tainted by the temptation of dreams. He was certain that the whispers telling him to return to the shadows weren’t just in his head anymore. Zetsu and Madara were still out there and while it had been months, he knew they were only waiting for the chance to drag him back in.

  He couldn’t let Rin be the reason he falls. Her memory was only meant for good. She would be the reason he climbs into the light again.

 “Hey,”

 Obito was stunned out of his own head by Kakashi’s gentle greeting.

 “You’re crying.”

 Quick to his defenses, Obito frowned and raised an arm to do away with the tears that dripped down his face. He would protest, but he didn’t trust his voice. What a jerk. Obviously, people cry at grave sites.

  His free hand was suddenly grabbed, and their fingers laced together. Obito glanced down at Kakashi’s hand in his, squeezing his scarred fingers. It felt nice. Kakashi’s hand was strong and a bit calloused, but it comforted him. Obito squeezed back.

  “Ready to go home?” Kakashi asked. 

 “Sure,” Obito wiped his eyes one more time and smiled weakly.

On their way back they passed the dango shop and a collection of voices called out to them.

 “Kakashi! My eternal rival!” Gai was the first one to step out, arms spread in the most dramatic of gestures. He truly hadn’t changed. “And Obito! I heard you were back but I haven’t actually seen you this entire time!”

 Obito snorted but gave an awkward smile.

 “Eh, you know. Trying to get back on me feet is all.”

 Another set of familiar faces stepped out. Kurenai and Asuma, grinning happily with sticks of sweets in their hands. All 3 of them had grown up, yet they had hardly changed at all.

 “Kakashi, you managed to drag him out! Good job,” Kurenai laughed, walking over to take both boys by the wrists. “You two should hang out with us. We’re about to get another round of sweets,”

 “Yeah. Tell us all about your kooky adventures,” Asuma chimed in, stepping behind them to add additional force.

 Kakashi glanced at Obito for permission, which Obito found odd. It’s not like he couldn’t find his way home on his own. He was plenty capable of taking care of himself or anyone else that dared to bother him. Surely Kakashi knew that. Yet, here he was, asking with silent eyes if Obito wanted to be there. Kakashi was worried for him. Again.

  “Yeah, lets have some.” Obito smiled, allowing himself to be dragged.

 This seemed to get Kakashi to relax.

  It was fun sitting with friends. The atmosphere was bright and cheerful. It filled a little bit of that hole in Obito’s chest. He didn’t even mind when Kurenai reached out to touch the reconstructed side of his face. Her fingertips gently ghosted over each ridge and line. Out of the corner of his eye, Obito noticed Kakashi’s wary look. Seems he was more bothered by her intrusion than Obito was.

 “So, you’re saying you were constructed with Lord First’s cells?” Kurenai finally drew her hand back.

 “Apparently.  Don’t ask me how, I really have no idea.” A lie, but a white one. “It was a ridiculous process to get it all working properly. Y’know, like physical therapy and stuff like that,”

  The lot of them had looks of awe and some confusion. Kakashi had a concerned frown. Obito didn’t take much noticed to it, however. He was distracted by the fact that Kakashi had gotten his mask back up so damn quickly.

  “Getting some of Lord First’s cells must’ve given you some sort of powers,” Asuma commented. “Then again, you could just be wasting it all by sitting around at Kakashi’s place.”

 “Asuma---”

 “No, he’s right!” Gai raised a fist. “Letting your body rot away in doors all day is the first step to muscle atrophy and loss of physical prowess. Us shinobi have to dedicate all of our youth and stamina to be the absolute best we can be!”

 “Leave him alone,” Kakashi snapped. This stunned everyone. “He doesn’t have to be a shinobi anymore If he doesn’t want to. He’s allowed to stop.”

The other three muttered in agreement, but Obito felt something in his gut he hadn’t felt in a long time. It took a moment to process. He thought it might be heart burn from the sweets but then it grew. It was a fire in his chest, a small but powerful flame of passion. Yes his heart was broken and the pain lingered, but this fiery light lit up his eyes in a way he thought could never happen again.

 “Shut up, Kakashi—” Obito raised his voice.

 Everyone froze as they looked at him. Kakashi in particular was very tense, like a dog who realized he had done something bad. It wasn’t a good look for him, and it made Obito burn that much brighter. A hand lifted and slammed itself on the table.

 “Haven’t you forgotten?” He grinned. “I’m going to be the next Hokage!”


End file.
